I am learning to be okay with self. When I made the decision many months ago to embark upon this full year of singleness, fear over came me. I was hesitant to share with you all this idea of mine, this very personal journey of mine because saying it out loud made it real. And once it became real, once it became this “thing”, I knew it was something that I would have to follow through with. That I would have to complete.
But to my surprise, I find myself falling in love. And I don’t know why that’s so surprising, I’m somewhat of a groovy chick. Yet, my days are filled with laughter, heart is full of joy as I learn to love the deeper parts of me. The parts of me that were often hidden, often masked and pushed to the side in order to stroke some man’s unworthy ego. I was often bigger than them and they knew it. However, for the sake of what I thought was “love” I didn’t allow myself to shine bright as the stars in a dim light sky. I was doing what one should never do…settle.
As things have been happening in my life, good things, life-changing things I thought to myself one day “I have no one to call to share this with”. *insert Xscape’s Who Can I Run to?* And rather than cry and revert back to my old habits. Rather than thumb through my on-going contact list to find someone to share this with, I danced….
…with myself. I cried to tears of joy. Patted myself on the back, turned up the music and danced til my toes no longer felt the carpet between them. Til my eyes closed and my soul elevated to new heights of enlightenment, I celebrated my damn self. And I smiled realizing that this co-dependency some of us feel, but are ashamed to admit has been lifted from me.
I lay in bed at night sleeping as wild as I want to. I don’t have to worry about sharing the covers while laying awake at night with my heart in stomach wondering what girl is texting or calling him now? Wondering what they are talking about? If they are laughing at my blind eyes to his foolish ways? Or if he is even going to bother to come home tonight?
Instead, I fall asleep with books; dreaming in colorful words. Sometimes pen in hand and work at my feet, I have fallen completely in love with my ability to sit comfortably in my own silence. I have spent hours totally lost in my thoughts while smiling at the vivid memories of what love looks will one day look like to me. But, not so overcome with emotion that I self-sabotage during my quest to find it.
I sleep wild at night.
Dancing in my dreams, I wake up alone with no one holding me. No one caressing these grown woman curves only a grown man could appreciate. Instead I cling to my pillow. Read poetic words. Hair all over head and I wake up in peace knowing that…
I am what sweet dreams are made of.
So here is what I have learned in learning to be okay with self:
- NEVER DUMB IT DOWN. Loving someone else doesn’t mean you should have to sacrifice parts of yourself. You should never be made ashamed of the fact that you are ambitious. Never apologize for having a bright and bold personality; NEVER dim you light to make him feel bigger than what he really his. Love is not about clipping your partner’s wings. Instead, give them room to fly while being their safety net in times of turbulence.
- DATE YOURSELF, OFTEN. Being single does not have to boring or some scary “season” in our life. Being single should be a time of self-awareness. Self acknowledgement. So make plans with yourself. Make reservations for one. See that movie. Put on that sexy dress and have the time of your life. And when you get home, well….
- SOMETIMES IT IS PHYSICAL. A lot of our insecurities dwell more from outer appearance than our inner. Cliche says that the inner matters more than the outer and I call bullshit because as humans we want to feel beautiful both inside and outside. And if you don’t feel beautiful on the outside, it affects how you feel about yourself on the inside. SO, stand in front of the mirror naked if you have too. Take the time to explore, get to know and love every curve, every freckle, dimple or stretch mark that makes up the genetic compass of your body. The more you love it, the more you appreciate it your partner will have no choice, but to follow suit. And if, they do not then that is not the one for you. (READ: FINDING CONFIDENCE)
- TAKE YOUR TIME. Many of us will think that we are ready for love again after a few short weeks maybe even a month or two, but truth is we are not. Rather self-inflicted wounds or scars caused by your former lover it takes time to un-do the damage that was done. Learn from the mistakes made on both sides, pay attention to how you felt during each situation. Outline the warning signs so, when you do enter into a new relationship you will immediately know when a person means you good versus harm. Figure out your non-negotiables and STICK with them. (READ: SINGLE AND UNDATEABLE)
Til next time my babes!
bra: target (similar)
necklace: made by a friend jade (her blog)
book: neon soul by alex elle (here)