life is hard.
it’s unfair and people are unkind.
it can cause you pain and heartache.
nothing is owed to you.
nothing is given to you.
i remember growing up, thinking
i cannot wait to be an adult
i cannot wait to go to high school.
then off to college
living on my own.
making my own money,
coming and going as i pleased.
i wanted the freedom of “adulthood”
but my adolescent eyes shielded me from the
responsibilities of adulthood.
i was going to be somebody.
(and that’s not to say i still won’t be)
i was going to make a difference.
(still a possibility)
but then life knocked those rose colored glasses from my face.
and opened my eyes to the harsh realities of life.
no one is going to look out for you
no one is going to love you
no one is going to do for you
hustle for you
go “hard” for you
like you do.
see my mother
taught me the importance of getting an education
so completing school for me, was a must.
i did that.
i’ve wanted all my life to be entreprenuer
i am doing that.
she taught me to have my own money.
to look both ways before crossing the street
(literally and figuratively)
to not take drinks from strangers.
pay attention to my surrounds.
choose my friends wisely.
to “watch” my back.
and my sides.
because there would always be someone
looking to cause you heartache.
looking to stir up trouble in your life.
looking to test you.
misuse and abuse you.
but she left out the part where sometimes
that person would be someone you loved
someone you considered family.
someone you trusted.
so these are my life lessons to you.
the biggest one being to
trust your instincts
i cannot tell you how much heartache i would’ve spared myself
i would have spared my family.
and everyone else who has felt the pain of my decisions
if only i would have listened to
to that tiny little voice in the back of my head
saying “don’t do it”
to that feeling in the pit of my stomach
“you will regret this”
realize that your decisions effect everyone
part of being “grown” is not walking around
screaming “i’m grown i can do what i want”
its about having the ability to have wise
mind your choices.
we as “children” often think to ourselves
“well if i decide to do this and it doesn’t workout then i’ll just
call mom and dad, they will fix it”
and for most of us, that is true.
that safety net will always be there.
we are their babies.
i am still my mommy’s baby.
i will forever be “daddy’s little girl”.
you are my baby.
and i will always be there to pick up the pieces.
to catch you.
to guide you.
i cannot tell you how many times my mom
has had to pick up the pieces.
has had to catch me.
and in some cases has had to
put me back together again.
she is still picking up the pieces
because i first, did not trust my instincts
and two, because i made a decision that ultimately
affected everyone around me.
and the relationship that you and i share.
so make wise choices.
not out of fear.
or out of haste.
but out of wisdom.
make them because you know
without a doubt that it is what’s best
your decisions will not make everyone happy.
(mine sure did not)
but another part of being an “adult”
is learning to stand on your own two feet.
to be unafraid to do what is in your heart.
to chart your own
and yes there will be consequences
both good and bad
but another part of being “growing”
is learning to
don’t be controlled by your emotions
your mother is an emotional creature.
just ask your father lol.
i believe that is where you get it from.
we both are seemingly emotional creatures
to be honest
so naturally, you would be too.
i was watching you the other day
and it wasn’t until then that i realized
how much of me was in you.
how much of your innocence
was that of my own.
i am an emotional creature.
i love as if i have never loved before.
(and sometimes that makes me a bit crazy)
i am not blind to this fact.
again, ask your father.
i have made decisions out of anger.
which often led to regret.
i have made decisions out of fear
which often led to sticky situations.
i have said and done things out of anger.
out of spite.
and to be vengeful.
thinking that it would cause the other party more hurt and harm
than it would me.
that is never the case.
regardless of your “state of mind”
you and you alone
are always responsible for your actions.
for your words.
so learn how to control your emotions
do not be controlled by them.
do not succumbed to them.
or become victim to them.
i’m 29 and i am just now learning how to
learning how words or phrases like “maybe” or
“let me sleep on it” has given me the time needed
before just blurting out a yes or a no
embrace your emotions.
confront your feelings.
but learn first, to understand them.
find the why?
or the who?
behind your emotions.
behind that feeling.
and then you will know what should be done.
how it should be done.
and when it should be done.
my sweet, darling girl
i want so much for you.
you are so much bigger than life
your sweet smile
and your perfect little voice
that laugh is enough to warm
the coldest of hearts.
never in my life could i have imagined
being a part of something so grand.
as a matter of fact, i didn’t imagine.
i was fine with being the fun-loving aunt
then you came along
and you changed me.
you changed both me and your father.
for the better.
and my love for you surpasses
way beyond your overactive
i want the world for you
my darling baby girl.