I don’t know what it is about turning thirty that just causes things to “click” and/or make sense like they have never have before. Whereas a lot of people dread turning turning 40, I was excited for it. I welcomed it. As someone who didn’t particularly enjoy her twenties she figures life has to be better in her thirties, right? That it is now her turn to “shine”, to “glow” up if you will. After so many rainy days, its now time for her to feel the warmth of the sun on her face. This “period of enlightenment” or that moment when attitudes changes, mindsets shift and things that once bother you no longer do. Things that were once important to you seem to have no value and life is just a bit more sweeter as you reach out and grab all that is in store for you.
Welcome to your thirties.
And in the words of Auntie Maxine I am reclaiming my time.
Reclaiming my peace.
Reclaiming my voice.
Reclaiming my right to self-worth and self-love.
Period of Enlightenment: Turning Thirty
Reclaiming My Time.
I solemnly swear that I will no longer give my time to or concern myself with people, including men, who have no interest in loving me as a friend, as a person, as a woman and Child of God. And especially not as a mother. My ability to let them go shall not be faltered by self-depreciating thoughts like loneliness. I understand that loving you does not mean I should love myself any less. And “fighting” for you does not mean I shall cause myself any unnecessary hurt or harm. Nor that I should stop fighting for myself. I will always come first.
Reclaiming My Peace.
I used to hate having those “harsh” conversations with myself and with other people, but especially with other people. I was the girl who would much rather have you break up with her than to have her break up with you. This often times resulted in me doing things to “cause” a breakup (and I’ll just leave it at that) lol. However, I believe majority of us avoid those conversations that forces us to look at ourselves in the mirror.
Peace starts from within.
So, if your mind is cluttered. Your heart is “impure”, take a look around you. Dig deep and ask yourself, “what about me needs to change?”. Stop defining your self by your circumstance. Stop letting that be the introduction to who you are. We sometimes play the victim without realizing that we are playing the victim. I was guilty of this. Every chance I got I would talk about the “tragedy” that had overcome my life. When in all honesty this was my greatest blessing. I was giving myself very little credit and very little for the world to see because when I talked I only talked of pain and suffering.
I only spoke of what happened to me instead of what was happening THROUGH me. And often times its important that we do both. One more than the other.
Reclaiming My Voice.
Speak up my dear! It’s your life.
Reclaiming My Right to Self-Worth and Self-Love.
I am enough. “NO” followed by a period is a complete sentence and the days of me explaining myself have come to an increasing halt. I do not have to explain myself to you. You do not have to like the decisions that I make. My choice to be single, my lack of desire for marriage and my “selfish” need to not birth any more kids are all decisions that I have made for myself. Choices that I stand firmly behind because my life is full as it is. I am full in myself. And when it is my time to move onto other “phases” in life I will do so because I CHOSE to.
Not because I was told to.
And definitely not because the decision was made for me.
Its time to stop teaching our women and young girls that her success is determined by the ring on her finger and the number of kids she has conceived. Its time we teach our young girls that self love and self worth starts with SELF. And until she has come to know, love and accept herself for the woman that she is there is no room for her to “try” and love someone else.
You are enough sis.
Be strong in your decisions.