now how rude and disrespectful is this..
its my senior year of high school
and then my parents drop the bombshell
“we’re moving to birmingham, al
i created powerpoints.
i wrote letters.
i even found somewhere else for me to stay
so that i could stay and complete my final year of high school
with people i knew.
needless to say,
i became a hoover buc.
went to prom with strangers.
graduated with strangers.
i actually talk to them more now
than i did while i was in school
how backwards is that?
i mean who moves their child
during one of the most important years of their pretend “adult” life?!
so i graduate.
and started my journey as a uab blazer
because my parents killed my other dream of going to spelman.
i just realized that my parents are dream killers.
i kid, i kid.
honestly truly, maybe they are just a little….
now, fast forward to 2008
my parents come once again with this moving business
and this time: california.
but i’m not going!
the ultimate disrespect! lol.
i’m here because of you
and then you go and leave me here
i very briefly moved back to dallas in 2009
and by briefly i mean
an entire summer.
i left the end of the school year in may.
i was back in birmingam by oct
because well, it just wasn’t my time to leave.
i was running.
i met a boy (as every college girl does)
not realizing the effect he would have on my life.
not realizing how he would change the way i would love men.
how i would love myself.
and just how i would view love in general.
not realizing the immense amount of pain i would feel over the years.
underestimating just how strong i was.
teaching me things, i never knew about self.
all because i was forced to leave him.
i was forced to stop loving him
because in return he couldn’t love me the way i needed him to.
the way i wanted him to.
the way i deserved him to.
and then i became a mom.
the greatest outcome of he and i.
stands about as tall as me, literally.
with her cute curly hair.
her cute little bow-legs (i blame him)
and her perfect little kid voice.
she opened me up to a whole new kind of love.
one a never knew existed.
restoring in me a fire
that had long burned out.
or so i thought.
and when i made the decision to move back to dallas in oh-nine
i knew it wasn’t the right time for me.
i still had some confronting to do.
i was running from he and i
and the problems that we created.
afraid that i’d see him in those birmingham streets
with another woman
because that become our norm.
i accepted things
i knew i didn’t have to
all because i loved him
and couldn’t quite let go, not just yet…
so i moved out of fear.
and out of heartbreak.
and that is never a good idea.
not for anyone.
your problems will find you.
they will haunt you.
making their way back to you
forcing you to deal with them even when you don’t want to.
11 years later.
and here, i have moved again.
but this time, on my own terms.
i bet you didn’t know that before i was southerner
i was a northerner.
born right in new brunswick, new jersey.
and while opportunity lands me here
right now my primary focus
is a little girl who has been without her mommy for quite sometime now.
my best friend (hey meagan!!)
sent me this meme the other night that read and i quote
“i stopped waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and lit that b*tch up myself”
and i died laughing because that’s exactly how i feel right now.
so instead of running away
i am running to.
kicking doors down.
making heads roll
because this mama bear
has come for her cub.
after getting a call that my kiddo had her kidney transplant
(praise the lord!!)
i decided on a wed that i was going to come up here.
(and by here, i mean the nj/nyc area.)
by that saturday i was on amtrak
making a 22 hour (that turned into a lil over 24 hours) ride to
the historical newark penn station
where i was to be greeted by my father.
and so here,
southern girl, big city living.
ready to make some sh*t happen.
and in light of see jane write’s annual november challenge
blog like crazy
you can catch my first 30 days right here on the blog.
but today, i’m leaving you with this thought…
stop giving people so much power over you and your life!!
i will admit for the last two years
i have inadvertently giving this woman…
too much power over me and mine.
quietly sitting on my hands.
praying for the best.
and while God has certainly kept me.
while he has protected me
and provided for me
i believe that before getting to this point
God had to complete a work within me.
he had to first humble me.
and now that i am living out his will for my life
now that i am following the path that he has set out for me
i realize that fear constitutes power.
so trust when i say,
that others may try you
but God will always protect you!
and though you may feel like you are in a losing battle
he is just taking the time to shape you
he has to strengthen you, first.
so, that when it comes time for war.
you will not be moved.
but instead, will be ready to fight.
david your goliath.
trench vest: who what wear collection (here)
skirt: target (similar here)
shirt: thrifted (similar here)
hat: forever 21 (here)
shoes: lolashoetique (similar here)