T H I R T Y D A Y S //
So you guys, one of the or THE primary reason for me moving to the East Coast was for me to finally put this custody battle to bed. And because I needed to change. I craved it. I deserved it.
This custody battle has taking THREE, going on FOUR years of my life. And I keep saying to myself. I keep saying to you all “its almost over,” when I really I have no idea if it is in fact almost over. Because, in God’s time. I have lost so much in the material sense, but gained so much more in strength, personal growth and peace of mind. Yet, when I moved here….I was still operating in fear. I had all these doubts and worries. I had all these what if scenarios, afraid of what the judge might say. And because I had been withheld from my child for so long I was afraid to see her for the first time. Afraid to hug her. Hold her. Kiss her. Talk to her. Because I had become a stranger to her. We had unlawfully been denied access to one another, but yet our relationship remained in tact.
And for that, I am grateful.
A month or so ago, I called up my attorney and told him I needed thirty days. THIRTY days to make some things shake. To make some shit happen before filing for the final custody hearing..
…gotta come strong right. Usually the burden proof is on the other party, but in my crazy alternate universe the burden of proof is on me.
But, I got this. No sweat, right?
And my mom, being the mom she is, said to me “what the hell can you do in 30 days?” Lol
Turns out….a lot.
I rejoined the workforce because #byanymeans
*Sidenote: I don’t know what it is about people thinking that you cannot be both an entrepreneur and someone’s employee at the same damn time. Whatever it is YOU have to do achieve your dreams. To fulfill your goals and life mission, DO IT with no regards.
I found a place….currently saving. (shoutout to my bae Nicole for keeping on point with this budget, I SUCK at budgeting)
But most importantly, I had to get my mind right!
Thirty days has surely come and gone since I had this conversation with my attorney and I was left thinking to myself, “here I have failed again, I ddin’t follow through with my word.” And while I initially set this thirty day deadline for me to take action against “them”. I didn’t realize that this was the Lord taking action against me, until today.The Lord has surely being testing my mindset. Trying to see how I’m going to react to the constant harassment I’ve been getting here lately, and where as the old Brie probably would have popped off. Or made what she thought was a “smart” decision out of fear. The new Brie does nothing. I let whatever is being said be said. Whatever is being done, be done. Because I need not do anything.
Remember that saying, hit dogs holla.
I am being rewarded everyday for my faithfulness, for my growth. For my ability to lean and depend on Him even in my darkest of days.
Remember that scripture, all things work together…
It holds truth.
YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING IN FEAR.
Your mind has to match your faith. Your heart has to match your beliefs if you truly want to move past your hurt. Past your pain. And past your circumstance.
I am a testimony to that.
top: forever21 (here)
leggings: forever21 (here)
jacket: tj maxx (similar here)
glasses: forever21 (here)
water bottle: forever21 (similar here)
choker: forever21 (here)
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