While revamping my about me page over the weekend, I was reminded of why I started blogging in the first place. Not that I forgot, but sometimes I find myself in a bit of a creative block and that “why” always helps me come out of it. So last week, I talked briefly about my Christian journey and why we sometimes can’t see beyond our circumstance. But, that we are required to because everything works out for our good. Well today, you need to have faith. trust the process. and live in the moment. Three steps to freedom.
I had someone ask me once, how could I be so happy? How could I smile where I was supposed to cry? Laugh where I felt pain. Trust when I felt betrayed. Love when I felt neglected. What was it that kept me going? And truth of the matter is, it took awhile for me to even get here. I spent a many of nights asking why? Going over in my head things I may or may not have done wrong, things that I have said, feelings I possibly could’ve hurt. But none of the answers I came up with amounted to me “deserving” this, nobody deserves this. And though yes, sometimes we all cause life to be a little bit hard than it has to be, this was not one of those times.
So instead of trying to make sense of things, instead of trying to figure “things” out on my own. I did the only thing I could do, trust God. Some of my “associates” are Anti-Christianity, they give me the whole spill about being black and it being “forced” on our people in times of bondage. However, for me, Christianity was a choice. A personal one.
“How can that be?” you ask knowing that I am preacher’s kid. Easy, I’ve built a relationship with Him. A personal one. So, though my parents taught me the importance of Christ leading one’s life. It was not something that was forced on me. It was not something that I had to do. That I had to conform to. The moment I was old enough to make my own decisions, I could have very easily turned my back. And in some ways I did, being young and not taking my walk with Him as serious as I should have. In many ways, I wasn’t completely devoted to Him. Like most of us, I only called on Him when I needed Him. Instead of loving and acknowledging Him regardless of what season of life I was in. At the time I “used” Him more than I used Him.
I have found that there are two many reasons why Christ takes us through these various stages of life. Either to,
- 1.Remind us that He is ALL we need or
- 2. Elevation
Thus, maybe that it is why I find myself having joy. Because I know that in Him whipping me. In everything that we as His children go through, He has already worked it out for OUR good. Thus we gotta have faith and…
Trust the Process.
My “mother-in-law” (but not really because her son and I are no longer together, we just still have a really close relationship) would often say, “You ain’t gotta do nothing, just take your hand off of it”. I never fully understood what that meant? Maybe I just didn’t know how to? Or maybe it was fear that fed this urge to “fix” things? (Which often lead to more harm than good). We as humans have this natural need to react or to respond to something negative in our lives. In doing so we often respond out of hurt and anger. Fear and disappointment. Only to be left wondering how things got even more “fucked up” because we did some shit we had not business doing.
My response, take your hand off of it.
In my experience the less “fixing” we attempt to do, the more our situations will work itself out. Trusting the process means accepting that this may not be an overnight “fix”. You might look at up a month from now. Six months from now. Or even years from now still going through that divorce. Still battling your addiction. Still finding a way to start over and become a new. Trying to be the best possible version for you and for your kids. Let NO ONE tell you how long or make you feel bad because its taking you some “time” to come through. To maneuver out.
My “rebirth” (as I like to call it) started in 2014. And I tried to rush it. I tried to tell God when I was done, that I had “learned” my lesson. That I was ready to come out. Ready for my next phase in life. But obviously, He still has some grooming left to do because here I am still “in” it. I remember reading about this woman’s custody battle that took 5 years. FIVE years. And five years may not seem that long when you are planning your goals. Going to school. Chasing your dreams. But, it is definitely a long time when you are in and out of courtrooms worried about whether or not someone is going to take your kids away. I thought to myself, there is no way I could survive years of this.
But here I am, coming up on my third year. And I am doing more than surviving. I am living my life in-spite of.
So, step one you gotta have faith.
Step two, trust the process
and step three…
Live in the Moment.
Why is that when we are going through something? Whenever we are dealing with some kind of emotional, physical, mental or even spiritual tragedy, our first reaction is to give up. Why do we give up on ourselves? On our lives? On our loved ones? Why do we allow ourselves to become consumed with negativity that we are unable to see just how much of blessing it is to still be able to open our eyes every morning? I know this is easier said than done. I know you feel like I’m asking you to do the impossible, but is it all possible for you to not focus on this one bad thing that is going wrong in your life?
What you celebrate, you attract.
And that goes for both positive and negative interactions. You are what you think. So, if all you think is negative thoughts. IF all your heart feels is anger and your mind is flooded with thoughts of vengeance; then now it is YOU cause yourself more destruction. You have more control over your “situation” than you think you do because while you cannot control the other person or person(s) involved. You can absolutely dictate how you choose to combat the situation.
I spent a lot of time and I mean a lot of time, living in fear. I was minding my words. Afraid to have some fun. I almost allowed my situation to keep me from starting this blog. From speaking my truth because I was afraid of:
- Who’s feelings might get hurt? (though I was sure they didn’t give two shits about mine)
- If my words would be used against me?
- How other’s would perceive me?
Let me tell you from experience, it is not your job to worry about any of those things, Now of course that does not mean go being all irresponsible and doing things that you KNOW you have no business doing, like no. It is a message to you to inform you that you do not have to stop living your own life. Your dreams do not have to stop. In most cases, this is what they want you to do. They want you to give up. They want to have that kind of control and power over you, and in the beginning I will admit that it is hard not to give it to them.
When dealing with that initial sock of “what the hell is going on in my life”, it is hard not to curl up in a ball and just wait to til the smoke clears. But the only way to put out that fire, is to walk through it slowly extinguishing away doubt and fear. And whatever else that is keeping you from making that choice to live. Because we still have a choice. We have ALWAYS had a choice. And I am living proof of what “living” in the moment looks and feels like.
I might not get it right everyday. And yes I still cry and get upset sometimes, but my life is filled with more love and more good. Than it is bad and pain because I made the choice to look beyond circumstance. In the words of my mother, “you might not have put yourself in this hole, but its up to you to dig your way out of it”.
Moral of the story: CIRCUMSTANCE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU.
Three Steps to Freedom.