This thought has been sitting with me since this past Sunday. I couldn’t quite bring the message to life as I wanted to, so instead of just putting anything out into the blogasphere, I wrote nothing. But today, today I come with a message of righting your wrongs in order to move forward in good conscious. I’m not much of a Real Housewives of Atlanta fan, but I happened to be watching an episode here recently and Phaedra spoke something that resonated with my current christian journey.
While on this christian journey remember:
Sometimes things don’t happen to us, but happen FOR us
For as long as I could remember there were two things I desperately wanted for my life:
- NYC living.
As children we have these big dreams and as we get older we begin to map out the plan in order for us to accomplish these dreams. For some of us, life goes according to plan. And then there are people like me who find themselves in a bit of a whirlwind, wondering when it will be “our”turn. Thus, when Phaedra spoke these words, everything immediately made sense to me. All the answers I had been searching for, everything I was trying to understand was answered in that one simple, yet complex sentence.
I have been in this season of my life since 2014 and I have been trying to make sense of it from the beginning. All the crying and sleepless nights. The slander. And abuse I’ve had to endure just to be shaped and molded into the person I am today, it did not make sense to me nor did it seem far that I had to endure such…hell. I jokingly say to my friends “you know Old Brie wouldn’t have cared…..” and while that sentence holds truth it also attests to my growth.
Personally and spiritually.
Who would have known that one phone call would alter the direction of my life? I didn’t. Or maybe I did and just underestimated or wasn’t quite prepared for everything that I had prayed for. We often pray for a shifting, for an increase or some kind of monumental breakthrough and we expect it to happen the next day or as soon as we say amen. We often seek or ask for the breakthrough forgetting about the breaking that we must go through to get to our…breakthrough. That was me. I prayed for something, I wanted a deliverance. I wanted to be used in my purpose. I wanted to reach the level of potential Christ placed over me from the time I was conceived in my mother’s womb. I wanted the life of abundance He promised me, I wanted the favor….but I didn’t prepare for the process. Like most of us, I wanted to skip the process.
I was not ready to put in the work.
So when I got that call many moons ago, I had no idea what to do. I cried alot. Even thought about suicide believe it or not. But knowing that this was a result of my prayer to be elevated, I knew it was a test. And I could either pass or fail. I got deeper into my word. I tithed every Sunday and Wednesday, I was active in the church. And I was happy. I was joyous regardless of circumstance, I still had peace. And sure, like most of us I fell by the wayside . I got off course. I allowed the world and fear to dictate my movements. My thinking. My actions. Even the words I spoke. I got lost.
Found my way back.
Just to get lost again.
That phone call warranted my need to share my story. I underestimated just how much starting a blog would change my life and not in monetary value. I opened up about things I would have never shared. I learnt what it meant to be transparent and to be vulnerable. What it meant to speak your truth despite opposition. I learnt what it meant to become fearless or at least what it meant to not let fear handicap you or bully you into making the wrong decisions or still-movement. I learned how to love myself and how to love this life I was giving and all of its imperfections and today I learned that in order to truly move forward one must right their wrongs.
So, though I couldn’t see it then I see it now and I understand that in all this time, I wasn’t being bullied. I wasn’t being picked on or singled out, it was never about “them” (though they like to believe that it is). It was about me getting down on my knees laying my burdens down at that altar and crying out to Him, “use me”. This was my elevation. I was being prepared for my greater and still am. And this, this is my purpose because now this Texas raised girl who had dreams of being an entrepreneur and living in the city that never sleeps is no longer dreaming it.
She is living it.
Hi, my name is Brianne Patrice.
Entrepreneur and New York City resident.
It happened for me.
And it can for you.
Don’t give up.
Til next time my loves.